Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
