i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
