i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
