The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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