allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
