I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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