She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love having hate sex.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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