While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
