Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got inside last night via doggy door
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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