I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
