What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Even my vagina gasped.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
