I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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