I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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