i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
