Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Mom said you looked used
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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