put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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