i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
