I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come on in and take your pants off
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