plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
