is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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