My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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