I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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