This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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