my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
