I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
