I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
