you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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