I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
