how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time to smoke my breakfast
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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