thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
