and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
