I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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