What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bring me that man meat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
