toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
