I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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