My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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