i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
