this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
