apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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