Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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