hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize