i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
