Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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