dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
