I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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