she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
