you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
