If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
