that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
