Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
