im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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