I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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