ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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