She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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