i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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