Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
