Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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