Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
