she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
