We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
