I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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