For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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