So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didn't notice because vodka
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
