either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
