i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
