hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
