i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
