If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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