why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
