I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
