You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
