yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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