Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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