So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
