How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
